McKenzie Friend NE

Values

My apologies that there are a lot of words in this section, but I think you’ll agree it is important to know the values of the people who you rely upon, as these underpin the approach they will take to your family situation and the advice they will give. These are my values. 

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Children 

• Children should be given every possible help to enjoy good relationships with both of their parents, and all other family members and friends who are important to them. 

• Children should not be drawn in to conflicts between their parents or other adults. 

• Childrens’ wishes and feelings about their relationships are very important and time and care should be taken to win their trust, so these can be properly understood. 

• Children should not be expected to make the decisions for which adults should take responsibility.

• Decisions about arrangements for children should  consider both current circumstances and longer term needs. The ideal is to keep options and opportunities open for children - in practise this will involve making decisions that protect and preserve their important relationships. 

Parents 

• You may positively dislike, or even be afraid, of the other parent. It therefore often takes quite an effort to appreciate that, though your own relationship with the other parent is over, your child’s is not. 

• An arrangement  where children spend equal time with each of their parents - 'shared parenting' - is an ideal arrangement provided the parents are able to cooperate well.  

• If you are the resident parent, an important part of loving your child is to promote their relationship with the non resident parent. If you are the non resident parent, then an important part of loving your children is to support the resident parent in their role as your childrens’ main carer. 

• Where the family relationships have included violence and other forms of abuse between the adults, or involving the children, then arrangements must ensure that the children are safe, and the parents and other people, are safe. 

Allegations and Evidence 

• Allegations are only allegations, unless there is evidence that support them. The level of proof in the family courts is ‘on the balance of probability’. The more serious the step to be taken, for example, significant restriction of the childrens’ contact with one of their parents, the stronger the evidence should be that justifies it. 

Professionals 

• If a professional cannot show that their opinion is based on careful, thorough and skilled analysis of evidence, then their opinion is not a professional opinion. 

• Reports and recommendations by Cafcass social workers should demonstrate a thorough understanding of the children, their family history, their important relationships and why these relationships are important to them. 

• Professionals should be skilled, objective and respectful in their approach and attitude. 

Better alternatives than courts 

• It is much better for children if their parents, family and friends can negotiate good arrangements after separation and divorce. 

• Failing a negotiated family solution, Mediation via a competent family mediator is the next best alternative. 

• Proceedings in the family courts inevitably create more conflict in families, and are therefore a last resort. Even once in proceedings, a return to family negotiations or family mediation services is always an option, and may be helpful to achieve limited aims that contribute to a court ordered solution - for example, mediation to achieve an agreement about how to communicate.